Today was one of those days for me. It was a very typical day, doing very typical normal things for me. I have a hard time finding the best possible time to go grocery shopping without taking the kids and it ending up being a circus act. So I find myself going to the store more and more after bedtime. I actually like going that late, it is usually very quiet and I can get the shopping done in record time.
So tonight was one of those nights. I made dinner, did dishes, got all three kids in bed, and as soon as my hubby got home from work (it's a late night for him) I headed off to walmart. I didn't have a big list this week (I know... amazing!), but I did need to stock up on food for Josh. I was elated to find the Gerber 2nd foods was on sale and bought more than I intended. Not that he won't use it all, but I usually just buy a week at a time. So anyway, I was in a pretty excited mood after finding I could save .45 per package. I finish all my shopping with a spring in my step. (OK not really, but you get the idea)
I get up to the check-out line and load all my stuff onto the conveyer belt. When the nice cashier gets to the Baby Food... she says something like this... "Oh, Let me guess, your baby is about 7-8 months old." I pause for a second wondering if I really want to explain why my 21 month old is still eating Gerber 2nd foods. I decided against saying anything and didn't comment. I know she probably thought I was rude and I hate her thinking that, because I actually am a nice person and don't mind talking to the cashiers. I just have had this happen so often lately... some sort of comment while I am buying Baby Food, either asking how old my 'baby' is, or they try to guess. Today it was one of those days where you just kinda snap. I don't want to defend Josh to anyone, let alone someone who knows nothing about him. The few times I have just said something like 'oh, my baby is 21 months', I usually get a 'what's wrong with him? or Why is he eating baby food?". I just feel like there are times I want people to just ignore me and not ask questions. How many of you have that same thing? Just doing very random, routine things you feel like you have to defend your child or their disability? It was just one of those days for me. I just wish there were places to go where you don't have to be on gaurd every moment. How many of you feel the same way? And what do you do? What have you done to get past it?
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I hate that question/comment. I usually just say "something like that". I avoids more conversation on the topic and it isn't an out right lie. Just keep thinking about that AWESOME sale!!!
Oh Sweetness,
How I remember 'just one of those days'......they were too many to keep count. Sometimes just say oh, I'm on a errand for a very busy friend or shopping for someone else.....it acknowledges they've asked and that they got a response and were not being ignored. Society needs to be taught so many things never dealt with before. For me early on it was, 'why are you still carrying him, he looks too big to be carried, just put him down, he will be okay while you write your check......etc,etc,etc.......then the stares we got when we first had to start taking him out and about in a wheelchair or something initially extremely close to a wheelchair......an ad had run on TV & radio in our state about CP and mothers who drank, smoke, acted irresponsibly possibly causing such 'damage' to their children....mind you this was 20 years ago.......however, I felt like everyone was staring directly at me, accusing me, thinking.....she must have done drugs, she must have smoked, she must have never gone to prenatal checkups, she had to have been irresponsible when pregnant.....I can't tell you how many times I cried myself silly because of such moments......self blame and perceived blame from everyone else who did not know me. This is a difficult one to deal with because you gals are still fresh on your journeys; memories are raw. It is all understandable to any person with an iota of compassion and empathy. (Need I dare say, a lot of folks today do not possess those traits willingly nor frequently?)...sometimes I would just spit something out of frustration but mostly I just was quiet or made some simple, but believable excuse for the moment...obviously before a pecialized chair was involved.....at some point you will become more and more confident with your individual responses to people, other kids, situations around you. It is not easy, but eventually it happens somehow.....a lot of prayer, a lot of tears, a lot of screaming away from 'the moment' when you can safely vent, a lot of talking it out with loved ones and friends who know you and Josh and ALL your individual circumstances. Sometimes I feel I am so far removed from what so many of you are living in the moments here, but I can assure you without a single doubt that you are all survivors to mothering your children.....regardless the diagnosis or the outcomes...short or long duration. God did not randomly decide to give just any mom a treasured child of His own hands.....and sometimes that is difficult to take in and anger is understandable there...the why me, Lord? why Josh? why Marshall? why Jonah? why?,..........fill in the blank. But Dear Ones, People do care and they do love and understand.....sometimes they need help comprehending, but as long as it is not a rude, superiority type stare, inquiry, comment use it as time to educate gently and you will feel great that you have stood up for yourself, your child and educated someone who just may turn into a good friend who educated someone else...That has happened in my life many times.........Now, Sweet Moms and babes......try to have a 'rare' one of those unexpected joyful days......love & hugs, Annette
I get the- if you just feed him he will eat- talk a lot. I feel like saying, "OH really?! That's the trick?? WOW!!! I never knew that."
People don't get it. Hang in there.
haha. Erin, I say the same thing ALL the time. "so uhhh your baby is ____" or has _____" "i totally understand my cousin's sister's brother's daughters friend has the SAME thing..." hahahaha.
yaaaah....something like that. ;)
hang in there melissa. come up with a few little sentences and you can whip them out anytime you have "one of these days."
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