Friday, March 27, 2009


Hi Darling Moms.......I hope all is well. Normally I try to post positive, upbeat words here....I feel it of uppermost importance to do so. Most of the time, God has blessed me with abilities, friends, family, creation to remind me to view the glass half full. But this time around, your old gardener is feeling stooped over and tired. The rain showers have come and I've noted exquisite tulips and other gorgeous blossoms from bulbs, annuals and trees signaling spring is nearing for most of us. Easter is just weeks away and the perfect time to ponder more reflectively upon new birth. Wash away old; bring in new. Let go of old; grab onto greater and more peaceful existence. I've been visualizing and pondering upon the phrase Steel Magnolias.......we often see each other as a steel magnolia. Sally Field, Julia Roberts, Dolly Parton......the exceptional cast of the movie where each is different, but each is strong to hold the others. (Did you know there is a facebook quiz about which character you are from the movie?....I was Dolly Parton's Truvy.....enough said...I can't sing, but other traits exist...) I have expressed on facebook the last several days that I've felt like a wilted magnolia......many days I feel there is absolutely no steel component in my being. Artificial flowers can be bent this way and that way from a flexible wire base and a strong rubber coating for resilience. They often last a lot longer than the real thing. They don't wilt really unless the sun and heat have been relentless, or the wind furious......eventually though they fade in brilliance. They often get forgotten or they pick up dust, go out of style and eventually may be thrown away and replaced with new. The point is.......I don't know which flower I am or what the care needs are just now. I love the thought of being the 'steel magnolia'.......but it is not always realistic. I love tending tulips.......very seldom does a tulip go unnoticed by me; growing, living and breathing in a flower garden; artificial; printed on paper or snapped in a photo.........or yet, importantly, living in human form in our earthly midst. I have a radar so to say, for tulips. They are much more fragile, yet they are very strong........they have to push through a lot of dirt to bloom where they are planted. I suppose in reality I am a mixture......maybe I could be optimistic and dare I say 'prideful' and consider myself a hybrid? Now that is a thought to ponder.......throw in some steel to keep me strong, some wire & rubber coating (underwires?), for flexibility and stamina, (defense against gravity) combined with the vulnerability and short lived splendor
of the tulip......I'm rambling like weeds overtaking beauty. The last several weeks have felt like weeds have been increasing and infesting my home garden. The individual need that Clay has to be with his peers, stretch out and finally bloom more completely. The individual need for me to break out some dissecting roots to be with others. The need to feel renewed, to repot and be freshened up, given new opportunities as a couple in springtime. The need, the need, the need. The want, the want, the want. When and how does the gardener know it is time to split and replant? Where does the gardener replant? Which other plants need to be included in a new garden plot? How does the larger landscape pull together? Who will help tend a larger landscape? Who will provide the all inclusive needs for a new landscape? Who will anticipate and encourage the garden to grow and become the most beautiful landscape human form has imagined? So, now that Clay has quieted from a Goody powder and a small dose of liquid Valium, flushed down the G-tube, I imagine this as my online conversation with God. You who garden with me and alongside me are my guardian angels; Clay's guardian angels. We bloom where we are planted in different plots with different requirements, yet we are all part of God's exquisite landscape. We turn to each other when we wilt, when we wither, when we become threatened. We lean upon each other just as tulips lean towards the same direction in many plantings and situations. We remind and encourage each other to keep pushing through the dirt......often dirt that feels overloaded with manure. But I pray that the very manure that we keep finding ourselves buried under is the same manure that keeps us nourished and strong and indeed, keeps us viable in nature. Sometimes it gets really smelly and we want to pass out because it is the easiest way to withstand.......sometimes like now, I just feel in between and severely wilted; not quite sure if I'll let weeds of insecurities, doubts, and lack of care (workable, feasible provisions) knock me flat and covered over in the dirt to be stumped upon and overtaken as dead. I'm tired of nutrient void, stinky manure; I'm tired of feeling stumped upon, I'm tired of weeds feeling they can grab hold and thrive, then slowly suck the possibilities and the life out of more fragile, yet beautiful potential. For now, I'll fight to remain simply wilted until God will nudge (quietly, loudly) you, me (Clay) and other fragile creation to push through, stand tall again and bloom like never before.


tiptoe mama said...

We all feel wilted at some point. The great thing about Spring time is that all the flower gardens that died through the winter regain new life in the spring time. Lots of love and prayers are being sent your way for a springtime of new life. :)

Melissa said...

You can always put into words what I feel, but can't say. I think that spring time is always a point of change. And we don't usually know what that change may be, but it comes anyway. We just have to hope for the best and ride out the storm.