Monday, January 12, 2009
I'm Mad Today
Maybe it's a normal thing. I don't know. I don't want to be angry with Marshall. It's not his fault he can't sleep through the night. I'm just SO BURNED OUT!! He has bad dreams constantly EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! When will it stop? What will help? There is no end in sight. I've always had a goal to go by. Something to keep me going. When he was first home from the NICU, I told myself, "I can make it to 6 months". The doctor thought his constant fussiness and lack of sleep was due to colic. It didn't improve at 6 months. I figured I'd wait for 6 months ADJUSTED age. Yeah, that came and went with no change. We're at four years now. Well, four years and nearly 3 months. I'm exhausted. I'm so SICK of bedtime woes. I'm tired of my child waking up so many times during the night. He's not always coherent but he cries, I wake up, have to check on him, then I try to go back to sleep. Sometimes I can't go back to sleep right away so I lay there a while. Then just as I finally fall back asleep, he cries again. I tell him he's safe. There's no bad guys. I checked his room. I tell him I looked under the bed (I check it all again) and there's nothing there. I check the closet, behind the doors, in the hallway and report back that everything is fine and he's safe. He has his rope lights on his bunk bed (which he LOVES). He has music playing in his room all night. He has a cricket sound machine playing all night. Yet, he still wakes up. He still wants someone in there. If I refuse to stay, he cries and cries even more and wakes up Nathan. If I ignore him, he gets even more scared. I'm burned out. When will it end? When will he sleep? I think I need to get out more often. I'm gonna go crazy.