Sunday, January 25, 2009

A vent... By me

I love my son. He is my off spring and there are so many times I can't imagine life without him. BUT.... Today is NOT one of them. I am so irritated by his non verbal grunting. He KNOWS what he wants and I guess by some miraculous means he thinks that grunting and temper tantrum throwing , oh and not to mention that arm pinching thing he does is gonna help him get it. (luckily the head banging thing has not been happening)

Its not. I try to be patient. I try to be loving and caring but all I can think about is my bed and headphones.

This morning my incredibly pleasant spawn woke up at 4 am.. Thanks right 4 am. Do you know what is up at 4 am. NOTHING. I tried the whole sleep with mommy thing. Look Tyler the sun is still asleep direction and NOTHING. He kept signing all done.

Put in a movie. Go potty, get a carnation for him and put up the gate to the bathroom. Try sleeping for a few more minutes and nothing.

Finally, had DH sleep/watch him ( he can sleep though a lot) and I head to another room. Only to be awoke at 7 so that Ty wasn't "alone" for to long. I go in to put on Jammie pants and find the toilet OVERFLOWING with Toilet paper. He had knocked over the gate and put and ENTIRE ROLL in the toilet. Taken everything off the bookcase ( a daily occurrence) and pulled EVERYTHING off the dresser.

He ate a good big bites of food for breakfast. And then decided hew as all done and to throw a fit when I tried to change him. Then to scream and throw a fit as I went about the morning doing laundry and picking up.

I got ready for Sunday ( my mom wasn't kidding when she said hell broke lose on Sunday Morning) only to have him throw yet 2 more temper tantrums about the movies HE chose to watch.

He finally fell asleep on the floor and I ran some errands ( missing church of course because who wants to go when they just survived a handful of tantrums) only to have him wake up and whine, whine, whine even when I am sitting on the floor playing with him.

Oh and he threw all 56 letters in his magnet alphabet set, spit out his drink on the floor, threw his balls out of his ball pit and all the while managed to make a mess in the kitchen.

Did I mention if he wasn't cute I would be HURTING something right now?

Oh and if anyone asks if I would change anything, I don't think I can honestly answer I would. I would change him. I would make things easier for him. I would make him "normal."

I am a bad mom


Melissa said...

Oh Nancy, I am sorry you had such a frustrating day! We all have days like that, but that fact does not make it any easier. I think there are a few times I wish for a 'normal' kid too. The important thing is we pick ourselves up and keep on going. I don't think you are a bad mom at all. You are human and sometimes we just get pushed beyond our limits. Just remember that in his own special way he loves you. You are a wonderful person and you are doing the best you can. HUGS!!

Liz said...

I'm so sorry for your day. I had a really draining day myself, different things, but all related to my kid not being a regular kid--and so many things being so much harder to do.
You were doing everything right, but sometimes nothing works, and when it's one thing after another, after another, sometimes it's just too much for one day! You are not a bad mom for having a really hard day! Hang in there, because tomorrow has to be better! :)

Happy in Holland said...

You are not a bad mom--you're just a mom that had a bad day. I hope tomorrow goes better for you. And don't feel guilty for wishing you could change him given the opportunity. We all want an easier life for our kids. Hang in there!

Lori said...

Amen to what everyone else has said. You're not a bad Mom. Not at all. Keep your head up, you're doing great!

Anita Nap said...

You are not a bad mom. You just need a break. I remember having so many days where I was woken up at 4am and Marshall just wouldn't go back to sleep no matter what. The toilet thing is FRUSTRATING!!!!!! We have had to take the toilet off the floor and replace the wax seal 4 times in the year and a half we've lived here. What is it with the toilet fascination??? Seriously don't get it.

I wish I could come give you a break. I KNOW how frustrating it is. We just plug through one day after another and somehow we make it through. Sleep deprivation is really difficult to handle. I hope you catch a break soon.

tiptoe mama said...

I had to giggle at this post because I am totally in the same boat! I keep telling myself - I may not be a good mother, but I'm good enough! :) Hang in there!

Katie said...

On bad days I look at JT and say, "It's a good thing babies are cute or we would just throw them all away." Not 100% true but some days it feels like that is the pro that pushes down the cons. They are right, not a bad mom, bad day. Don't worry about not always making it to church because of stuff like this, it happens to all of us. I don't think Heavenly Father will hold it against you. Hang in there!