Once again I am so aggreivated at the system. Today I had an in-home meeting with Children with Special Needs Services to try to set up for a Personal Care Assistant for my son. First of all, I was already upset with myself that I have to do this. To have someone come in my home and help take care of him is rather defeating for me.
Was the worker helpful and informative? Yes, I now know who to contact to try to get the special car seat we need and diapers paid for. That was a big one. But the questions she had to ask..ugh. When you have to list what you do for your child and what you assist him with, I never realized how much it was. I learned there is really nothing he does on his own. And that there is never a time in 24 hours that he is out of my eyesight. Okay I can accept this.
Did the questions make me gasp? YES. Especially when she asked and I quote.."When you realized all of this was wrong with him why did you not turn his care back to DFPS?" I picked my jaw up off the floor, looked her straight in her eyes and asked if she felt children were a returnable commodity. No answer there. Then she asked why we don't commit him and all I could think (forgive me if I offend) was..If this b**** doesn't leave soon I don't know how much more I can take.
Just for once can't people stop and think? Do they not realize my heart breaks because we know we will never see our son grow up into a man? That it kills me to realize we can't adopt him because then we would lose his benefits and I can't afford to take care of him properly without those? Does she stop and think what it feels like to see your husband cry for his son when he is raging out of control, red and can't breathe properly? We would give our lives for any of our children. To sit in an office with his doctors and psych care and be told that he will either die from complications of his brain damage or his own hand? Because they don't know what to do?
And then to turn around and pray our seventeen year old biological daughter does not have a malignant brain tumor. Can't someone please realize how we feel at just the thought of having to bury two of our children??
Sorry, lack of sleep is wiping me out. I am emotionally drained but yet people keep pulling the plug and the tears run as they do now.