Thursday, January 15, 2009

What To Do?

I would really like some feed back on the following question. How much is too much? I feel I am approaching that point if not passed it. I have some very torn feelings right now, actually I am more than torn, I am pretty upset. I feel like I am leaving my “healthy” kids behind to get Bree caught-up. With her therapy once a week and the play group she is going to be starting. She and I work heavily on Signing Time and Your Baby Can Read. Nights are rushed to get everyone in bed so that Bree gets her quite massage time to help increase muscle tone and keep her loose to prevent cramping.
I just realized the other day that Jer is showing no signs of being interested in writing his name or learning numbers past 12. He does not recognize letters, not even the ones in his name. Emma seems to be at a stand-still also. She would rather watch movies than sit down with some flash cards (that is new within the last few months).
Including them with what I am doing with Bree is great, but only works to a certain point.
So, how much is too much? Do I take a step back with Bree? I am unsettled about this. And have no answers What would you do?


Melissa said...

I totally sympathize with you! I have the same problem! I feel like I put so much time and attention into our youngest that the other two seem to suffer. My 4 yr old gets it the worst. My 6 yr old has autism so he still gets one on one every night. It is hard to find time to make sure that my 'typical' child is getting the help he needs as well. I have alot of guilt about this particular subject, and I am not sure if I have any ideas you aren't already doing. I just have to make it a scheduled thing to work on those type of things with the other kids. It can be really exhausting to keep up on everything. I know that you do try your best and you should realize that sometimes your best just has to be good enough. Is there maybe someone in your family that can take some time a couple times a month to take Bree so you can do those things with the other kids? A couple times a month is better than nothing! Sorry I can't be more help, but we are totally going through the exact same thing. Good luck!

Lori said...

I wish I had some great advice. I'm sure it's frustrating and gut wrenching, my kids were/are far enough apart and have such different schedules we haven't run into this problem yet. I'm positive someone here has some good suggestions.

I agree with Melissa, you're doing your best. Don't beat yourself up and maybe pull some other people in to help you. Sometimes we just can't do it all on our own.

tiptoe mama said...

I can so empathize with this. I don't know if I have good advice or not though.
This I know. When my MK turned 3, early intervention services ended and she started preschool. At that point, all her therapies came through the school. MK had a WONDERFUL teacher and teachers aids, but the therapists come to class once a week or so to work with all of the kids in the class. So MK's one on one therapy time went way down. The teachers in her class did a great job at following the therapist's instructions. Though, I've learned that you've really got to be on top of making sure that the therapists actually get there as often as they say, and that the IEP is being followed. Not for lack of quality or effort from the therapists, just that they are thin spread. I remember feeling really overwhelmed by it at the time, but I have missed the one on one time and quality of therapy she got while in E.I. I also miss being a part of the therapy and knowing what's going on. In hindsight, that busy time seems pretty short. I am tempted to tell you to get the most of it while you can. but, at the same time, I know what it's like to feel thin spread and neurotic as a mother too.
"A" has struggled in school since day one. Last year his teacher told us he has ADD and seemed to give up on him at that point. I felt totally responsible for any progress or learning he got. I was so overwhelmed and tired and falling apart with it all- both kids needed extra attention and special help. (I don't know how IMA MOM does it!) I still feel overwhelmed and falling apart.
I wish I knew how to clone myself. I may not have good advice for you, but I can commiserate with you on some level.....good luck. maybe we can figure it out together. :)

tiptoe mama said...

sorry to be so long winded. I just remembered that someone once suggested to me to get some of the young women from your neighborhood to help with these things. -either set of kids- If they are working on their "personal progress" they can use it to pass things off -- as an added bonus, they might even turn into an extra helper at church!

Anita Nap said...

I know that Marshall sure takes more time and attention than Nathan gets. It is so hard to be a Mom and to have to balance all of this. I try to take Nathan out on a special Mom and Nate date. Sometimes I take him out, sometimes he stays up late and watches a movie with Brian and I, or sometimes we just make sure we have more time to talk...just him and me.
I agree with Melissa that you need someone to come help take care of Bree so you can do stuff with your other kids. Can you get some kind of in-home care for her?

Luke and Erin said...

Thanks gals! It is good advice. And THANKS a ton for the votes of confidence. It really was what I needed to hear!