Saturday, February 14, 2009

What do you say?

I am just curious about some of the comments you guys get on a regular basis, and how you respond.

First of all, we all get those well-meaning, but not so good comments people make. I have actually gotten creative and comfortable (for the most part) with my responses to those. What I am having a hard time with is the nice comments.

I am sure you all have feelings along the same lines.... overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, sad, and so on about the things that go on in your life as well as your kids. We all feel this way for whatever reason it is for each of us. I have a hard time finding a response when Josh's therapists or Dr's say how good of a job I am doing or that I am super woman or something along those lines. Some days I feel like that couldn't be further from the truth, and some days I feel like I am super woman with all I have done that day. But I have a hard time accepting the compliments since there is such a long road still to go. I feel so uncomfortable when someone tells me how wonderful it is that I put such time and effort into my kids. Because in my mind I am thinking that every mom puts all her time and effort into her kids. I am no different.

I guess I am just wondering if any of you have had the same feelings and what do you say to someone you don't know well who makes a comment on what a wonderful mom you are to do so much for a special needs child? I know alot of it does come down to accepting the compliments and that is hard for me (like accepting help is hard too) and I know I am not the only one who deals with this. So what do you say in that situation?


Katie said...

I can totally relate to this. I just started saying just what you wrote. I am not "super" I am a mother. Most moms would do what we do if they needed to. I think it has been Tiptoe Mama that has pointed out in the past that we aren't necessarily doing MORE things, just different things. Instead of ballet lessons we have doctors appointments. We give and take just like they do, it is just more emotional I think. That is what I tell people.

Besides, I think my mother is a super mom but she doesn't have any special needs children. Maybe we are all super moms, just not everyday.

tiptoe mama said...

oh, I love this post. It's such a real issue. I always feel like a faker. There's the me that people see on the surface and don't really understand. Then there's the real stuff on the inside. Not that I'm trying to hide anything, just that people don't get it. I never really know what to say to those things either. I think usually I just smile and say thank you. But I never believe a stitch of it. In my mind I'm always thinking "If you really knew......" and I can't believe I've fooled someone that much!

It's true though - we do different things. They seem super to others just because they're different, and I don't think they understand that different is just different, not necessarily more or better.

Annette Monts Falls said...

Hi Moms, I was reading the last post and comments.....time, time, time....and that is so hard to comprehend...I wish I could wave a magic wand and have you get what I am so trying to put words to here. Perhaps I'll have to think on this one a little more thoroughly and write some sort of post that prayerfully makes sense and helps somehow.......none of you moms are wrong for having the emotions ~ responses ~ feelings of inadequacy ~ feelings of 'oh, if only YOU could understand MY life versus your life'...all these things are completely understandable and I am not someone with a degree to tell you that in a professional capacity, yet I am one to tell you that as a mom who has least to this very moment, and learned many things that apply to all of this. All I can say just now are all exceptional moms to exceptional children...who needs further explanation and or justification? Believe me, YOU are exceptional!!! Now put that somewhere in your heart and don't let it ever bleed away from that place......promise? Okay

hayngrl101 said...

I work as a speech-language pathologist and I am always telling my parents how great they are at parenting. When I say so, I genuinely mean it. The thing is, I get to see a broad spectrum of parenting and while its just being a mother, it is still admirable work and I feel like we, as moms, do need to hear that we are doing a good job. Even more so when we are parenting a child with special needs. There are so many MORE skills needed to make sure that our kids are getting everything they need... I consider myself to be a long-suffering and enduring mother... and you're right, its an endless road. But shouldn't you be praised for your willingness to keep trudging the road?