Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Praying For Answers
Hi Moms, it is that 'older lady' walking through the tulips again. I just want you to know that I think of you all and that by sharing this blog you will gain strength to fight your battles. I am praising that you have this outlet to vent and share info and suggestions all in common and unconditional love for the other moms trying to get through a day just like another mom. Your battles are difficult and discouraging. Reality is your battles will always be with you in some manner regardless how far into the tulip garden you tiptoe. Reality is it never really leaves a mom who has landed in this land of confusion and extreme fatigue. It has been a rough couple of weeks too for this 'seasoned' mom to Clay......hubby out of town, sleepless nights because I am afraid I'll miss hearing something that needs attending, difficult to find and schedule care attendants, diapering a 24 year old man, and believe me, he is a man.........(this however helps me understand certain aspects of a male and certain other things), a black eye today from a very rapid, intense, bony knee during last night's diaper change before lights out..........yes I cried, I cried very hard......once I made it out of his room and out of his hearing~seeing because it was not his fault, it was not my fault, it was simply our ongoing reality. I have a vision for cutting edge residential programs for highly cognitive yet totally dependent physically challenged young adults pushed out of school at age 21. Coming up on three years at home now basically 24/7. Life is difficult. Life feels unfair. I get angry. I throw my pity parties too. But Darling Moms, I pray for answers. Answers for your beautiful young children facing difficult stumbling blocks. Answers for my grown son still dependent on his parents care. Answers for families in similar shoes walking similar paths. I lost an aunt on Sunday evening. Her husband is an older brother of my father. He has dementia and has been her shadow for years........her devotion and love of him was totally and completely unconditional. We don't have answers for his care provision now. He will be 92 in early April. She died on his older brother's 94 birthday. Another brother will be 90 in June and my dad 88 if they make it to those dates. They all survived and fought horrible evil during WWII.......but they are still here, still supporting each other, still close and concerned and loving. They are a family that has weathered many crippling storms in their lives. You are all family. You are all part of my heart family. We are strong though we feel weak. We are strong though we often weep tears constantly. We are believers. We are caregivers. We are entrusted to special children for special purposes not yet revealed and understood. But I give you my word from way across the states to a little town in South Carolina, I pray for your answers. I pray for your families. I pray for your healings. I pray for your progress and your successes. I love you because you are my younger sisters. I wish you blessings and peaceful moments. I wish for you treasures and happy memories...........good things and good times. I send you love and hugs and I hope some small portion of reassurances. I pray for your answers.