Mason has been a NIGHTMARE to potty-train. I literally have nightmares about it. We started training him (for the second time) at Thanksgiving time last year, and it took well into the Spring to consider him mostly trained. I still don't say that he is 100 percent trained because he rarely, if ever, initiates that he needs to go and he is still quite dependant on help in the bathroom. Anyway, I am totally at my wits end with him--it actually brings me to tears any time he has an "accident", but especially when the accident is a poop accident. Like, just now, he pooped his pants when he was playing in his room alone. This makes me sooo mad because he knows better. I feel like an awful parent because I want to punish him. I know you are not supposed to make a big deal about it because kids have accidents, but he has them often, and after a year of training, it is really taking a toll on me. I want to yell at him or take something precious away or something......but I don't. I try to stay calm and let him know it's okay, but I am SCREAMING on the inside. Help me, ladies. Help me cope with this. I get so mad I cry. I'm not mad at him--I'm mad at the autism that has tweaked his brain enough to make potty-training really difficult. He just doesn't get it. As I am trying to clean him up, he is in his own little world laughing and going off about other things. He has no clue. What do I do? How do I deal with it and stop getting so upset about him not being a normal 4 1/2 year old using the toilet on his own and not pooping his pants just because he forgot he was supposed to go in the toilet? I need some serious parental advice right now.
As I'm reading this, a thought just occurred to me that maybe I'm not as okay with the whole autism thing as I thought I was. I really thought that I had completely accepted it and embraced it and that I was ready to tackle life as the mother of an autistic child. But maybe I haven't totally accepted it, and maybe I'm not completely okay with it. It's a surprise to me to have these thoughts because I've been okay with this for a good year and a half now. Maybe I've been fooling myself. I think I've been okay with things because I told myself that in time, he will do better and become more typical, but I just realized that he is not really becoming more typical. In some aspects, I guess he is, but in many he is not. I worry about him being the kid in school that everyone thinks is weird and that nobody wants to play with. I worry he'll be the junior high or high school kid jumping around, flapping his hands, making strange noises, and laughing to himself at something really funny inside his head. Maybe he'll never grow out of it like I thought he would. Maybe he'll be having frequent toileting accidents for the rest of his life. Maybe I've been giving myself false hope that one day he'll be normal.......Then again, maybe today was just a really hard day and tomorrow I'll feel back to normal. I'm going to stop second-guessing myself and just go with that. I'm sure a good night sleep will fix a lot of what is going on inside me right now. It's just been one of those days.