Wednesday, September 24, 2008

What To Do?

-Deep breath- Does it ever seem to any of you that you just can not catch a break? As I said before I am the mother of four. My oldest, Emma, is four. Jeremy is two, Bree is 18 months and Brooke is almost 6 months. Very young and very busy. I expect difficult days; but my days seem to be getting harder and harder. I am never surprised when kids are kids. They will fall down and hurt themselves; they will have those precious moments of showing love. They will say something in front of someone that they shouldn’t. They will have amazing learning moments that will make me proud and I know they will fight over toys, make messes, cry about who will get mom. They will hit, bite, scratch, kick, throw food and spit.
Today, however, I am asking myself why do my kids have to do all that and times it by a million? Yes, I have a story. I always do.
A few days ago Emma Lee came darting out of her room into the laundry room screaming in the most terrified voice I think I have ever heard. “Mom” Emma screams “Bree has peanut butter and jelly dripping off her head”. Knowing what we all know about my precious little Jeremy I was on the war path, knowing that there was PB&J all over their room. I arrive at the doorway and quickly learn that there is no PB&J, but blood. Everywhere. Bree is crying, Jeremy is crying, Emma Lee is in a panic crying that that she loves Bree Annie and doesn’t want her to die. I got Bree to the bathroom while trying to calm Emma and reassure her that “Bree is going to be okay, I just need you to help Jeremy get his shoes on and then get your shoes on.” Emma acts quickly and is ready to get in the car. We get to the ER and have to wait for 2 hours—while she is bleeding. Yes, I still am mad I ended up using a few choice words with him that I now, of course, regret. He told us that she did not need any stitches just some, for all intents and purposes, Neosporin. I argued with him because I felt it needed at least one because of her “special” circumstance. It makes her a bit clumsy and always bumping into things, I knew that she was going to bust it back open… He refused. I left angry. She had a well baby check-up the next day and her pediatrician said that he agreed with me, but it was too late to put any in… so just watch it. By-the-way it is still bleeding a tiny bit. –sigh-
How this all happened. The three older kids were playing their room while I was busy… I got two stories. The first:
Bree was hitting Jeremy with a dinosaur and Jeremy got mad and tried to take away from her. They were both tugging on it and Bree tripped over Emma’s cash register and hit her head on the bed post. Sounded good to me; but then this other story, that makes a bit more sense to me, immerged. Bree was playing with a dinosaur that she found on the ground. Jeremy picked up the cash register and whacked Bree over the head with it. I am leaning to the second story because of where I found Bree in the room… not by the bed post, and the toy had the most blood on it… a bit of CSI work on part.

Jeremy told me he is angry with Bree. I think it is because he feels like she doesn’t get into trouble. Through his eyes that is probably true. Every child will require different discipline and a different kind of approach to each situation. But I feel like I am just running out of discipline ideas and approaches. I am just feeling very run down, thanks for listening to me vent. If you have any suggestions or ideas on the sibling interaction let me know!


Happy in Holland said...

Wow--4 kids under 4! You have every reason to be exhausted! Most importantly, I'm glad Bree is okay. I don't know that I can give much advice at this point, but just know that I am thinking of you. You'll pull through it. You are a mom, and that's what mom's do. I hope things lighten up a bit for you soon. Hang in there.

tiptoe mama said...

Wow. I've had a lot of sibling issues too. My A. is 6 and M.K. (with Cerebral Palsy) is 3. Often A. will tell me "I feel like she gets all the attention." "You only care about her." It breaks my heart. It's not that I try to focus on her more, she just requires being taken care of. I go out of my way to try to make him feel special. Some things I think work , like his suggestion: "A cake when it's not even my birthday." or spending special time with just him. Other things, have totally backfired.

I got a book called "Being The Other One" about siblings of special needs kids. I've read the first chapter, but it made me feel so discouraged and depressed, I haven't read any more of it yet. So far it sounds as if just being a sibling to special needs destines you to be scarred for life, and if you say anything different--you're lying. I'm hoping it gets better and can give some real constructive and practical advice on how to help these siblings....I'll try to read some more of it and let you know if it gets any better.
In the meantime, hang in there and just do the best you can. One thing that helps is if I ask "What can I do to help you feel better?" or "What would make you feel special?" usually, it's pretty basic stuff like reading a story or snuggling.

Anita Nap said...

My boys are 6 yrs apart and my 9 yr old thinks Marshall gets away with everything. I could put Marshall in time-out forever and it would never make a difference. I try to be fair but I do expect more out of my older son than I do with Marshall right now. I wish I had any clue as to what I could say that will help you. It's hard to make kids understand that one child is different.