Monday, November 3, 2008

just thinkin'

I've always thought that as Moms to special needs kids, we have different responsibilities, as opposed to having more responsibilities.  I'm beginning to wonder.  I've been through such a barrage of doctor's appointments, therapies, specialists, tests and follow-ups over the last while that a melt down seems eminent.  It definitely seems like more. I'm craving simplicity.  It's all started me wondering if I'm not just trading soccer practice and dance lessons for therapists and doctors, but that I'm trading it for an awful lot more....ya know what I mean? I have a friend who told her husband that they are not like other people, and cannot do what other people do. I've said those same things in my mind about M.K.  'she is special.  she isn't like other kids.  She can't do the things that other kids do.'  I never thought of it in connection with myself or my family. I'm not sure what I think about it.  If we do - do more- is that why other people think we're supermoms?  Is it even possible to do special mom things AND normal mom things?   Or should we be telling ourselves that like our children, we cannot do all the things that regular Moms do?  My first instinct says that of course we can do it all.  Then my exhaustion kicks in and says, 'no - we do a lot of extra, special, stuff.  We shouldn't have to hold ourselves to the same standards  and then some. Really I think it's probably just a personal issue.  A matter of prioritizing and balance.  (something I'm not doing well at right now)  But it's an interesting question.....what do the rest of you girls think about it?


LukErin said...

I ask another mom why she called me supermom, I really don't feel that I deserve the name because I just do what any other mom would do and what several moms all ready are doing. But she told me it was because I do the special needs thing on top the normal thing.
I really try to keep everything simple and easy, taking each thing one at a time. But I feel like trying to keep it simple makes me more tired almost like I am trying to hard for 'normal'. There have been many tears over this very question. I don't think there is a good answer.
When you were talking about trading soccer for doctors it made me a little sad. I am still working on the fact that Bree might not be able to do the things she wants. I can't say that she will want to play sports but if she does it will be hard.
I feel that it is more draining to parents and children to be at PT or sitting at the dr. office than it is to be at a soccer game. The meaning behind it all is very different the reason is different and the WORST thing at a game is losing which is forgotten quickly. The BEST thing at the doctor/therapist is that nothing got worse which will always be remembered. I really hope I am not sounding bitter or angry because I am not. I am just dealing with the reality of our situation.
I am leaning that with the right kind of planning OUR family can have it both ways... sometimes. But I have to remember that Bree's condition is NOT what it could be, she allows us to have a bit more freedom to explore the normal side of things. It is such a hard balance and one at which I am still very new.

Ima Mom said...

I had a really hard time breaking myself away from playgroups and sports and I too shed many tears over it. I came to a point one day wehre I felt that my family had to come first before anything else, including a social life. My daughter quit dance last month and my son tried soccer, he actually did much better than we thought he would. There was another special needs boy onhis team with ADD who got mocked all the time by parents and it made me mad. I finally put my foot down "they have special needs!!" I think what is hard about non-physical disabilitites is that they get misread for bad parenting or behaioral problems. The rejection was painful for a long time and sometimes still is. The thing that wears me out is all the driving to all the appointments...IEP, two different pre-schools, bus stops, OT, doctors, therapy appts. Sometimes my kids look just as tired as I am and I this helping? We have had to cut out any extras and as a result I feel they AND we are some what alientated from the neighborhood kids their age.

tiptoe mama said...

Oh, that breaks my heart about the ADD boy in soccer. I just lived through that with my boy. He has ADD, and the parents and coach were all nice and extremely patient, but I was in a perpetual state of FEAR, thinking someone was going to be mean to him, or tease him, or get mad. I nearly got ulcers!!!