Saturday, November 22, 2008

Everyone Has To Deal With It Eventually

I'm finally getting around to posting my feelings after the well child checkup on Thursday. Both my boys went in.

Nathan has ADHD and has been losing weight like crazy! He's 69 lbs now but he was 74 in August and the Pediatrician was concerned then! So, we've got to really push Nathan to eat more. What is it with my kids and eating problems? I wish I could lose weight as fast as Nathan did! The doctor also recommended that we try something like Zoloft for his anxiety because it has an anti-depressant in it as well. On Halloween, he was not even excited. He was too mellow. I kept asking if he wanted to go trick or treating with his friends and he kept saying, "I don't know," or not answering. Strange...

Marshall lost weight again too. He's now 29 lbs. That's quite a few pounds of loss from last time he was weighed. Last time he was I think 34 lbs or something. I was SO suprised when he was that heavy. But here we are. He is 4 now and 29 lbs. Time to push him to drink more Pediasure.

I expressed my frustrations and concern with Marshall's behavior, lack of sleep, eating problems, and anger. He said Marshall is a perfect candidate for Risperdal. I told him how Marshall OBSESSES about bad guys and monsters. He hardly ever sleeps through the night anymore. He wakes up crying that the bad guys are coming back. I remember Nathan having bad dreams and even having some night terrors but this is so different. I asked the doctor about it and he said it's normal for kids to obsess about something but kids with Asperger's Syndrome do it to a more extreme level. Did he just say what I thought he said? Yes, he used Asperger's Syndrome to describe Marshall. I expressed the difficulty in raising this boy. I told him (and nearly started crying) how it feels like I'm going crazy because people don't believe me that Marshall has problems. Bad parents. People don't say it out loud but they hint around to it. The doctor told me I'm not crazy and he thinks we're heading down the right track with him. He thinks Marshall probably needs something like Zoloft as well but he wants to see us increase the Risperdal first and then see if we need it. I mentioned my concerns about Risperdal being an anti-psychotic and therefore a dangerous drug. This doctor is really NOT one to prescribe medicine unless absolutely neccessary. He explained that Risperdal is working wonders for Marshall (and it is!!) but it's obvious he's not quite on a high enough dose. So, I'm feeling like it's time to leave the ADHD specialist and let my Pediatrician handle the meds for my boys. I've felt uneasy with the specialist for a while now. He's an older gentleman and very kind and was the first one to give me meds for Marshall. I just don't agree with his choice of medicines and neither does my Pediatrician. The Pediatrician said he would never give Marshall a stimulant. The ADHD doc has twice now and twice it's been awful.

I think there comes a time in every parent of special needs kids' lives that they have to deal with the fact that their child will always be different. I've never dealt with it. I think it's because I've had to fight so hard to get anyone to believe me that I half thought I was making it up! Then we would have a REALLY bad day and I would know that I'm right; That there is something wrong with Marshall. Thursday afternoon we had to go to the Scout Office (ugh. I'm there WAY too much). Every time we go there, Marshall has to go up one set of stairs. On our way out, he has to walk around the small rock wall that surrounds the flower bed and flagpole. He has to ask the same questions at the same places when we drive anywhere. If we drive past the Scera Pool, he says "There's the Scera Pool. It's closed. Mom, when can we ever go to the Scera Pool?"
The four year old boy that I babysit was excited when Marshall went to school Friday because then he could play how HE wanted to play. Marshall can't handle playing with his toys any other way than what he has in mind. Stubborn? OH YEAH! It made me kind of sad that this boy was happy to see Marshall leave. They didn't really get along that well. One day the boy scratched Marshall's head because Marshall was playing with the middle seat belt buckle. Who cares? Seriously, is it worth making my boy bleed? Marshall still has a scar on his head. This boy has hit him, screamed at him, and slammed his fingers in the door because Marshall did something he didn't like. Is that how it's going to be for Marshall? He is quite an annoying little boy but we just try not to get upset because he can't help it. He's just being himself. Will others not tolerate him? Will nobody want to be his friend? Only time will tell.

"Ima Mom" took these pictures last week. What do you see? We could not get him to smile that much. That's what you get when you take this boy to a new place, to do a new thing, and see somebody new who is talking to him and taking pictures of him. He wasn't that happy but he's still cute.


tiptoe mama said...

The pictures are cute, and very nice even without a smile. I often try to deal with the idea that my kids may never be 'normal' but it's a hard thing to deal with. Most the time, I don't think I'm emotionally strong enough to do it. So I push it away and just try to keep hoping......I'll keep you in my prayers. Here's to Hope. :)

Happy in Holland said...

He sure is a cutie! What a stylish little man! A agree that "dealing" is a hard thing. It was a good year that I thought I had dealt with everything before I had a big emotional breakdown that showed me that I really hadn't dealt with it yet. I still have those days where I fall into a little bit of rut feeling bad about things. But the truth is....I don't think I'd go back and change Mason even if I could, so just I need to keep on "dealing" one day at a time.

Happy in Holland said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Happy in Holland said...

sorry--my post posted itself twice, so I deleted one.

Luke and Erin said...

I am right there with you. It is so hard for me to look at Bree and say it is okay and I will be able to help her through this, because it is not okay right now and I have no idea how to help her. I am always the most upset when everyday things don’t turn out the way I was hoping. In your case the pictures, in mine when Bree can’t tell me what she wants and we both know she knows the word. . Just one more thing to be a heart breaking reminder that we are special.
I know it really doesn’t help a lot but I absolutely LOVE those pictures!

Ima Mom said...

I agree, we are right there with you! And hey, a picture does tell a thousand words...he is CUTE and I don't think you are carazy At ALL!!!

Liz said...

You aren't crazy at all. We moms know when things aren't right. We want to help our children so much, but there are things so far beyond what we can do, so we seek the help of the professionals, right? But, there seem to be no easy answers and so many things to just "try." That is hard. Always trust your instincts, and if your feelings change, go another way later.
I understand feeding issues but for different reasons. My child weighed the same for almost an entire yr. I was doing everything I was told to "try." And come to find out she wouldn't eat much b/c she couldn't. She had a delay in her stomach emptying. It was so hard and frustrating. But, it was neither of our faults. I had done all that I could to make her eat and encourage her, eating was an all day process for months. We changed Gi doctors too, and finally that is how we got the diagnosis first appointment he ordered the test. And recently we discovered she doesn't tolerate dairy either! But, after starting a medicine to help her stomach motilty, she's eating and gained a pound in 2 months!

So much a puzzle to put together. But, hang in there. Great pictures. Marshall is as cute as he can be.. ;)