Monday, November 10, 2008

Any advice?

Thank you all for the warm welcome!  

It seems like every Sunday it just gets worse.  Nursery.  Nothing strikes fear into my JT's heart more than that word, or so you would think if you saw him at 10:15 every Sunday.  I used to stay in there with him the whole time.  Then I started sneaking out just to have the workers bring him to me after 5 minutes of nonstop screaming.  Then I was called to teach the 3 year olds.  So every week I could hear him crying off and on (more on) for 2 hours.

This week we hit our peak.  When he saw the stairs leading to nursery he started crying and wiggling.  Then he forcefully shook his head "no" while signing "please".  It was heart breaking.  I made it halfway up the stairs before I started crying.  We had had such a long week making him go places he didn't want to go and seeing people he didn't want to see and he was begging me, there is no other way of describing it.  As I cried, he took my face in his tiny hands and pulled my head towards him hugging my head to his and crying along with me.

So he came to class with me.  He doesn't really like it and it makes teaching much more difficult but I am not sure the best thing to do.  He can't sit still through 3 hours of church.  We barely make it through the first meeting without problems.  Do I leave him at home?  I feel like he should come to church....but if it is a bad experience why not leave him at home with his dad?  The Presidency said they would give me a break from my class for a few months to sort things out but this isn't gonna change in a few months.  

He acts this way every time I walk out of a room.  I haven't gone to the bathroom or taken a shower without an audience since he could crawl.  Do I need to be more forceful?  I don't want to be, I have to make him do so much he doesn't like already and this doesn't seem as important.  Is this something he will grow out of someday?  I imagine he won't be 30 and crying at the bathroom door so I guess someday.  I love that he loves me it is just times like this that it makes me want to scream.

10 comments:

Zak said...

I have the same problem. I have one nursery leader take him every week and when they are not there then my son would come with me to class. Both of my sons went to nursery early because I was either teaching or in the Primary Presidency. But when they warmed up to that one leader I felt better about leaving.

tiptoe mama said...

That's tough one. I've questioned that whole thing too. People home school their kids, why not home church them too? I guess there might be authority issues there. It's just so hard when they are that little, and they've got special needs anyway.
One ward we were in (before we had kids) gave an actual calling to one woman to help a special needs kid in the ward. She was his personal aide. I don't know if that would help JT or not, but it's an idea.
I have noticed that somewhere on the church website there is a section on how to handle special needs at church. I haven't looked at it, but there might be something there.

tiptoe mama said...

I just looked on LDS.org. In the main menu on the home page, go under 'home & family'. Listed under it, is a section called 'disability resources' I couldn't see anything there that particularly matches this situation, but it's interesting to look at for us all, and there is a place where you can submit a question.....

Liz said...

when my child w/ special needs recently went to the nursery, they did call a woman to be her very own helper. (Beforehand they asked me to think of a couple people I thought would be a good fit w/ my child. So, I had input into it too) It has worked out really well. She helps my child w/ her special needs but also helps her to play and interact w/ the other children. It has been so nice! Maybe this would help JT to feel more comfortable in parting from you too. Good luck, I know it's hard.

Happy in Holland said...

This is so hard. Mason was like that for a while, but he did eventually just get over it. The thing he had going for him was that he was easily distracted. I love the idea of getting a special helper for JT. It would obviously take a while to get him used to the new friend and everything, but it could prove to be pretty successful. I bet your bishopric would go for it. I totally understand about never being able to take care of "personal stuff" without an audience. Mason was the same way, but he did grow out of it as he got older. There are many things that have gotten a lot eaier to deal with since Mason has gotten older thanks to good old bribery and incentives. Hopefully as JT gets older you'll find ways to "negotiate" that work for him and for you. Until then, hang in there.

tiptoe mama said...

maybe you could invite the nursery leader (if she's willing) to come play with JT during the week, just to get them comfortable and familiar with each other.....

Happy in Holland said...

Okay--so I have another idea. I know you've said before that JT doesn't talk. Have you ever tried any kind of PECS system for him to communicate? He is probably still a little young to completely understand it, though. But it would always be good to start. Maybe if you could do something like that to work out a "reward" for going to nursery, it would help. It might even ease some of his frustrations and fears just knowing that you understand what he wants and how he feels. You could start with small things at home where you are only away from him for a couple of minutes (like choosing a reward for letting you go to the bathroom alone) then work up to going to nursery where he is away from you for a much longer time. I don't know for sure, but anything is worth a try, right?

Katie said...

PECS?....I am not sure if I know what that is. It sounds intriguing. I really like the idea of a "helper" I didn't know that they did that. It would take a long time for him to warm up to them especially for him to go with them instead of me but I am excited to try!

Anita Nap said...

I used PECS when I did singing time in Nursery. I also taught the kids some basic sign language...cracker, please, water, all done. Maybe the leader has to earn his trust first. If they just let him cry all the time, that can't be good. When I taught nursery, there were 2 children who refused to go to nursery. They cried out of control if you made them go. They ended up sending one kid to Primary with his older brother (who is 4 yrs older) but I didn't think that was fair to the teacher. Another family just decided to skip Nursery because it wasn't working for their kid. Just a few thoughts. I'm rambling because I'm falling asleep and I have much more to do before I can go to bed. :)

Luke and Erin said...

We have had the same problem too. We asked the bishop if he would put us in the nursery... he jupmed at the chance to have people who wanted to be there in there. Maybe see if you can "trade callings" with the nursery leaders. It seemed to help us out so much. I think it is important for the kids to be in church and get that social element. BUT it I feel that forcing you little baby to do something they are not comfortable with isn't healthy for either one of you. People thoght I was crazy and that I just couldn't let go of Bree BUT they just don't get it and they don't know. I am happy in the nursey and Bree is doing great! I bet if you talk with the primary president or your Bishop they can work it out for you!