Meltdown after Meltdown, After Meltdown...

This was how our day went today. It started bad because last night he slept so poorly!!! Brian got up with him 3 times before he went to bed, then I got up with him 3 or 4 more times after that. This doesn't include the times I thought he wasn't crying enough for me to go check on him. So, we're all tired but when Marshall is tired, he just can't cope with life! Poor guy. He cried over every little thing today and when he wasn't crying, he was angry. I tried to get him to take a nap by swinging him in his Airwalker Swing. It's the ONLY way he will ever take a nap. I thought he was asleep but 10 minutes later, he was calling for me. Strange..

After he had a HUGE fit about not wanting to dress himself, I finally picked him up, put him on my lap, held him very tight, and just rocked him for a bit. That calmed him down. I could feel him relax. I heard him sigh. He was practically ASKING for deep pressure. Yesterday, while waiting for the TRAX train, he actually asked me to do his "tens" on him. He calls deep compressions tens because we do 10 compressions. Cute huh?

I couldn't find anything that made him happy today. He even kicked his brother in the crotch for no reason. It's frustrating when he does that. It's sad to look at his face and see the dark circles under his eyes. He's exhausted but he sleeps so restlessly. I hope tonight goes better for him. So far so good. Cross your fingers for me. Nah, forget the fingers, can you pray for me instead?

Welcome to "Ima Mom"

Make note that the following post is from our newest Tulip blogger: "Ima Mom" be sure to say hello and welcome her to our little corner of Holland! 

Guilt Free Sweets.....

Have you ever heard of "So Cupcake"?  I heard about it a couple of months ago on the radio.  Having decided that I'd really  like to go there, I promptly forgot about it.  Recently, I was reminded of it again.  Why am I blogging about it you ask?  Well, it's got a great little story behind it.  It's the story of an eight year old girl with Cerebral Palsy.  (click here for the 10 o'clock news version)

Celina got a wish from the make a wish foundation. Her heart's greatest desire was to travel to New York City to see Emeril live.  While there, she enjoyed wonderful cupcakes and was inspired by her  hero Emeril.  Upon returning home to Salt Lake, she and her parents opened a cupcake shop.  From what I've heard, the cupcakes are absolutely delicious!  And of course it is a special needs friendly place.  Thought you'd like to know.  Click here to visit the website.  

The Trouble With School Teachers Is..

They don't see how the child behaves in a "normal" setting.
Marshall's teacher worries me. I say worries, because he has his IEP review next month and I NEED him to be in Pre-school. Here's what happened.

I decided it was about time I fill this teacher in with his quirky behaviors that we get to see at home. I'm not the only one who has seen him out of control, I might add. My downstairs neighbor has had to suffer through him jumping and screaming and crashing into the door because he's so stinking mad. He is SO much better on Risperdal. So, anyway. I told the teacher about his head butting, and the crazy bad day we had the other day which ended in him putting his face in my neighbor's crotch. Embarrassing? Oh yeah. SO VERY embarrassing!

The teacher had the nerve to say maybe his behaviors at home are a result of the medication. Oh, don't even go there lady! She didn't know him before he started on these meds! Just because he is one of her best students at school DOES NOT MEAN he is an angel at home. This makes me SO MAD!! I let my husband have the notebook and he wrote a letter back to her that was 2 1/2 pages long. He told her that I was worried about him still qualifying for Pre-School. He told her that she hasn't seen the wonderful side effects we've seen since he started Risperdal. He has come a long way but he still has some BIG problems. If she doesn't believe us, then we will have to figure out something else for Marshall. I'm glad he's good at school but don't tell me I'm full of it. I'm so sick of people telling me he's normal. He's not. I WISH he was, but he's just not. Oh, he ate cereal and crackers for a snack so we must be making it up that he has problems eating. Oh, he sleeps through the night quite a bit lately so we must be making that up too. GRRR!

THANK YOU!

I just wanted to say THANKS to you all.  I started this blog for selfish reasons; I was lonely and wanted someone to talk to about my special needs child.  5 weeks and a few fistfuls of flyers later, here we are!  I have enjoyed reading all your posts and comments.  They have lifted me, comforted me and strengthened me just knowing that I'm not alone.  Your stories have inspired me and encouraged me to continue in my own 'story' with a lighter step and a brighter heart. Just yesterday, I found myself in a conversation with two 'regular' Moms talking about the ins and outs of potty training.  In my mind, I thought about what I might be able to contribute to the conversation.  I could tell them how a spongebob chair wouldn't work for me because I need one that my little one can't fall off of.  I could tell them that my little one isn't showing the signs of readiness by telling me when she's wet or stinky, because she can't communicate well. I could tell them how terrified I am of potty training her, and ask if they had any good ideas for me...But in my heart, I knew they'd smile and nod politely, and perhaps feel a little awkward.  A funny thing happened:  instead of feeling sad and lonely over it - - I thought to myself:  "I can talk to my TULIP friends!!" and I was happy and comforted.  In this short amount of time, you all have made a difference for me.  Even you lurkers ( I know you're there!).  and I appreciate it.  Even though this was started out of selfishness, I hoped and assumed that by helping myself I would also being helping others. I truly hope and still believe this is the case.  We are here for each other.  Bless you all.   I appreciate you and your friendship. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You Know It's Bad When..

You don't want to go to sleep because you know you'll have to face another day. I felt like that last night but thankfully, Marshall had school today and then we played outside and went for a walk. I just wondered if any of you ever feel that way? I tend to get so stressed out that I "shut off" and just go through the motions of life.

What To Do?

-Deep breath- Does it ever seem to any of you that you just can not catch a break? As I said before I am the mother of four. My oldest, Emma, is four. Jeremy is two, Bree is 18 months and Brooke is almost 6 months. Very young and very busy. I expect difficult days; but my days seem to be getting harder and harder. I am never surprised when kids are kids. They will fall down and hurt themselves; they will have those precious moments of showing love. They will say something in front of someone that they shouldn’t. They will have amazing learning moments that will make me proud and I know they will fight over toys, make messes, cry about who will get mom. They will hit, bite, scratch, kick, throw food and spit.
Today, however, I am asking myself why do my kids have to do all that and times it by a million? Yes, I have a story. I always do.
A few days ago Emma Lee came darting out of her room into the laundry room screaming in the most terrified voice I think I have ever heard. “Mom” Emma screams “Bree has peanut butter and jelly dripping off her head”. Knowing what we all know about my precious little Jeremy I was on the war path, knowing that there was PB&J all over their room. I arrive at the doorway and quickly learn that there is no PB&J, but blood. Everywhere. Bree is crying, Jeremy is crying, Emma Lee is in a panic crying that that she loves Bree Annie and doesn’t want her to die. I got Bree to the bathroom while trying to calm Emma and reassure her that “Bree is going to be okay, I just need you to help Jeremy get his shoes on and then get your shoes on.” Emma acts quickly and is ready to get in the car. We get to the ER and have to wait for 2 hours—while she is bleeding. Yes, I still am mad I ended up using a few choice words with him that I now, of course, regret. He told us that she did not need any stitches just some, for all intents and purposes, Neosporin. I argued with him because I felt it needed at least one because of her “special” circumstance. It makes her a bit clumsy and always bumping into things, I knew that she was going to bust it back open… He refused. I left angry. She had a well baby check-up the next day and her pediatrician said that he agreed with me, but it was too late to put any in… so just watch it. By-the-way it is still bleeding a tiny bit. –sigh-
How this all happened. The three older kids were playing their room while I was busy… I got two stories. The first:
Bree was hitting Jeremy with a dinosaur and Jeremy got mad and tried to take away from her. They were both tugging on it and Bree tripped over Emma’s cash register and hit her head on the bed post. Sounded good to me; but then this other story, that makes a bit more sense to me, immerged. Bree was playing with a dinosaur that she found on the ground. Jeremy picked up the cash register and whacked Bree over the head with it. I am leaning to the second story because of where I found Bree in the room… not by the bed post, and the toy had the most blood on it… a bit of CSI work on part.

Jeremy told me he is angry with Bree. I think it is because he feels like she doesn’t get into trouble. Through his eyes that is probably true. Every child will require different discipline and a different kind of approach to each situation. But I feel like I am just running out of discipline ideas and approaches. I am just feeling very run down, thanks for listening to me vent. If you have any suggestions or ideas on the sibling interaction let me know!