Issues With Older Brother

My poor ten year old broke down today at dinner and just cried and cried. He was sobbing so hard. I held his hands and told him it's Ok to cry. I told Marshall to give him a hug. Marshall grabbed Nate by the shirt and pulled him up so he could hug him.

Nathan was 3 when I decided to divorce his Dad. He still remembers a few things but not everything. Nate was being abused (not terribly bad but it was getting worse) and his Dad was sleeping around. The decision to divorce him was made after a lot of prayer and fasting. I know it was the right thing to do.

Nate has ADHD and severe anxiety. He takes Concerta and Zoloft but he is just not handling things lately. He's upset by everything Marshall does or says. I don't know what to do for him. I have to call the doctor tomorrow. He had a bad day at school and was tired. He comes home feeling very upset most days. Some kids are so mean!!! Nate is a sweet boy and such a good friend to everyone but some people are not nice. He needs to be in a place where people who love him can show it. Unfortunately, when I'm babysitting, I don't pay much attention to him because I've suddenly got 5 kids instead of two.

He was too upset to eat, which will get me in trouble with the doctor because he's supposed to be gaining weight. I feel like the mom in this song--

Which Part Is Mine?
words and music by Michael Mclean

She was only a dairy man's daughter,
she was only a child of thirteen;
but the stars on the radio brightened her nights with a dream.
So she called up her best girlfriend Jenny
'cause she thought they would make quite a pair,
She said, "Let's you and me, try to sing harmony
at the amateur night at the fair."

But she only had the range of an alto,
so the part she knew best went to her friend.
And when Jenny's soprano drowned out the piano
they'd have to start over again.
And the dairyman's daughter would then say,

"Which part is mine?
and Jen, which part is yours?
Could you tell me one more time;
I'm never quite sure.

And I won't cross the line
like I have before.
So please help me learn which part is mine,
and which part is yours."

She grew up and got married to Bobby
kept him working on his MBA
they had two little redheaded children,
and one on the way.

Everybody said she could work wonders,
and she wondered what everyone meant.
She played so many roles, it was taking its toll
and she feared that her time was misspent.

So she opened her heart to her husband.
They discussed everything on her list.
from the kids, to the job,
to her feelings for her Bob.
But what it really boiled down to was this: She said:

"Which part is mine?
and Bob, which part is yours?
Let's review it one more time;
I guess I"m not sure.

And I won't cross the line
like I have before
if we just define which part is mine,
and which part is yours."

Every sleepless night knows many mothers
who are wond'ring if they've done alright.
And the dairyman's daughter knew
more than a few of those nights.

Had she given her son too much freedom?
Had she smothered her two teenage girls?
Did she spoil them too much or not trust them enough
to prepare them for life in this world?

So she opened her heart to the heavens
and she spoke of her children by name.
And the prayer that she prayed
that her kids would be saved had a very familiar refrain.

Which part is mine?
And God, which part is yours?
Could you tell me one more time,
I'm never quite sure.

And I won't cross the line
like I have before.
But it gets so confusing some times.
Should I do more, or trust the divine?
Please, just help me define which part's mine,
and which part is yours.

Did you hear me?
I can feel you near me.
It is the answer
that I've been longing for;

just to know you hear me,
and to feel you near me.
It's all the answer
that I've been longing for.

Did you hear me?
I can feel you near me.
It is the answer
that I've been longing for;

just to know you hear me,
after I've done my best,
and to feel you near me.
I know you'll do the rest.
It is the answer that I've been longing for!

Overwhelmed...

Okay right now I am being reminded why I am not a big fan of holidays. Any holidays. My oldest daughter has been crying all day because she already misses her teacher and is sad they're taking a "long winter nap." She thrives on routine so this next two weeks could get ugly. My other daughter is biting her sister because there was only one popsicle in the freezer. GO FIGURE...it is a blizzard outside and they are fighting over frozen food.

Last year we had just finished another ear surgery at Primary Children's on December 22nd and today we got some sobering news. I took three of us in to our family doctor and here are the results. Our six month old has his second ear double ear infection with fluid in the last month. He is recommending a specialist and surgery.

Our three year old has a congential defect we just found out about. A couple weeks ago a strange bump showed up on her neck. Come to find out all of the green goopy sinus infections and the bump are related. A cyst as a result of unclosed sinus passages???? Haven't researched this yet. Anywho, surgery number two and appointment number two with Mr. ENT, since it will never go away on it's own unless removed. Our four year old has an appointment with Primary Children's in January to get his genetic issue fixed, and yep...surgery. I am so sad for all of them because I know how traumatic this has been in the past and I know they are in pain.

I have my regular winter smoker's cough even though I've never touched a cigarette. The CT scan last year showed scar tissue on my lungs. So after a positive PPD (tuberculosis screen) and nine months of antibiotics through the health dept. I am here again hacking up a lung. But no worries you can't catch it. Asthma? Can't breathe? That would also be our five year old every winter. We catch any virus out there and take it to the tenth degree.

Family gatherings from three different sides with conflicting schedules, styles and agendas seem to bring an added measure of drama. It's not fun for me to sit in a room full of people and know that half of them genuinely dislike us/me. I find myself wish my family of origin was not reckluse or conlficted. I miss the traditions we had as a child and I miss the real spirit of Christ I want to feel now in my own home. Mix that with children who get overstimulated in loud settings and it can be interesting. Last week when we went out for a birthday dinner and my oldest son had a meltdown and started hitting me which made my mom mad...you can imagine the rest I'm sure.

So today I find myself singing "Where are you Christmas? I can not find you." Any ideas for where to pick up some Christmas cheer? I'm off to pick up our z-pack, omnicef, ibuprofen, mucinex and all expense paid trip from the pharmaceutical rep at Target.

Where Has My Son Gone?

The last few days I have been punched and kicked more than ever before. This morning I am feeling sad about where my cute, affectionate little boy has gone. My four year old is really struggling with his temper lately. It all started at pre-school where another classmate was bullying him every day. My husband told our son next time to punch him in the nose. Mom's solutions was to tell his teacher and use his words. Well, now my son and this bully are best friends. We are tyring to transition my son from the Children's Center to our local elementary school, but it has been rough for him. He loves it up there. I have had to hold his arms and legs gently as possible to avoid injury to me or one of my other children. Any ideas moms? How do you curb and prevent the violence? I am feeling much more calm since I have already been through this once before with my oldest. It's no longer an embarrassment or a trigger for me to get frustrated. I just want it to stop.