But he doesn't fit into the new class very well. The oldest girl has caught on that he is different somehow. She asks about his legs. It is only a matter of time before the other kids wonder too and they begin to think it is weird that he doesn't talk. That's okay. We will have to do that no matter what at some time or another. But in class they do a lot of talking games. They toss a ball around and ask the kid that catches it a question. He can't really participate. Even if he managed to get out a sign without my help they wouldn't know what it means.
Today was the worst. I have to stay with him the whole time or he cries bloody murder and gets so worked up it even takes me 10 minutes to calm him. So there we are during singing time. JT loves music and singing. He joined in for the first time. A long drawn out shriek drowned out all other voices. The piano struggled to be heard over the unmelodious wailing emanating from my son. He loved it! He sang louder. He tried to continue singing after the song ended.
It was cute in a way that hurt my heart. I wanted it to just be cute (like it is at home) but he sounded so disrupting. He sounded like a bad kid. He's not a bad kid, what he was doing wasn't bad it was wonderful...but disruptive.
He has a really hard time sitting still in his seat. He is always turning around and standing up. Many kids that age have a hard time with this but they will sit after being told. He has a bit of a defiant streak.
Besides all of this, he is tired (we have 1 pm church) and after me putting him in his seat over and over again he is getting angry with me and begins hitting me. Today we left the class and I put him in time out on the stairs in the hall twice.
I just want to go to church. For the past 4 years I have not gone to church without spending the whole time wrangling my son or crying hysterically. I just want to go to an adult class. I want to know my son is with people who care for him. I want to know he is not being ignored (which is easy to do with someone you can't communicate with). I want to know he is being a good boy even though he will need help to be. This is made more difficult because my husband is not the same religion as I am and so he is not there to help.
All of this adds up to me out in the hall with him crying, no bawling uncontrollably, which is making JT upset and so he is worried and bawling too. It sure felt like the end of my rope. Just then the Primary President walked by. We had a good talk.
Next week I will come with a letter for all the teachers and the Primary workers explaining JT so they will be understanding and patient with us. The rest is up to me. I would love for him to go to his class with the kids his age but I don't think he can do it himself yet. I am thinking of having a helper assigned to him. I have heard some of you talk about it before but I always hoped I could help him make the transition without it (just another thing that makes us "abnormal" you know?)
I think I like that better than sometimes taking him to Primary, sometimes to nursery. I don't know, he may not be ready to sit still that long. But how many 3 year olds are? *sigh* I don't know. She said I could be as creative as I wanted to get this figured out. Just let her know and she will work around what I come up with. I just feel confused. It has been a long time since I have cried about JT's situation but when things change I feel like it is just as hard for me to transition as it is for him. Maybe I am too soft. I would love to charge in there and lay down what I need for my son but I can't figure out what that is.