update

I'm writing mostly to sound off but to also ask for any tips or tricks... My daughter is 11 and this year because we moved out of state (for a few years) we decided to home school her because of the big changes and hopefully get her stabilized.  There were a few reasons for this- the primary one being that the 5th grade is at the middle school and I just couldn't fathom sending her to a school where she would have seven different subjects and a different teacher for each one.

The thing is, now that she has been home, she is a different kid.  Her neuropsych said she qualified for an ASD diagnosis in 2011 and I agreed.  She was in her own little world, very egocentric, and very little interest and interaction with family members unless she wanted something from the interaction (toy, cookie...).  In the past few months, she has started to take the initiative to do a task just because it needs to be done.  For example, the baby was fussing in his high chair so she picked up his bowl and spoon fed him.  When he crawls on the table, rather than just ignore, she goes to him and gets him down.  She also has begun to play with him.

I realize that these changes could be due to maturation.. but a small part of me wonders if its because she doesn't have the constant academic stress of social stuff within a group of typical peers and she is not stressed due to constant confusion over the academic load... do you have any thoughts or opinions on that?

On another note, my four year old is still lagging behind.  I can't put my finger on it, but he is not 'growing out' of his issues.  He is struggling with toileting and is mischievous to the point that its becoming a serious problem.  We are in a constant state of mess due to his shenanigans... dumping out cheese powder and noodles from a box of mac and cheese was the latest thing he did early this morning.  I think I need to find a good OT who can sort out his issues and give me a program to follow to give this child the stimulation he needs to that he is not 'acting out'.  I suspect he has low registration and needs proprioceptive input to his upper extremities... but now I am thinking I need to add 'praxis problems' to his list of things.  Sorry for all the jargon.. its what a coworker (OT) told me about him...