Tuesday, April 5, 2011


Im a little upset as I tried to hop that last plane to Italy, but due to some malfunctions on the plane they asked me to exit and return to my life in Holland. The flight attendents had no word on when I would be able to catch the next flight out, but she said that I should run for shelter as a storm was rolling in..........

I dont think I have prayed this much in a long while. Im feeling so beaten down by this jouney and I honestly have no one who can relate. Im trying to keep it together but ladies it's so hard. I hate being "strong" and having a smile on my face when inside Im a mess. I have not a clue as to help my child, but I need to get one as he is spiraling out of controll.

This morning by 8:00am I was in the ER because he was so upset he started head banging, headbanging so hard that he needed to get his head glued because he had mannaged a gash smack in the middle of his forhead. We were out of the ER by 9 only to return again hours later as he had another fit and started bleeding out where the doctor had just fixed.

This has been my life for the past 3 weeks. Okay, well no ER but the fits! Holy cow! It is creating chaos in my home and in my brain. I can't imagine what my lil guy is going through. He has become physicaly abusive to all around him and even worse to himself.

I need support. I need ideas of how to handle him. My fear of losing him is happening and I feel the need to hurry. hurry doing what im not sure about. I know he is a unique situation as he had Lung disease, and PDD-NOS. But Im so deperate for something brilliant to be thrown to me.

He currently goes to an ABA based facility to which he thrives in. HOWEVER, as soon as he is home, in publics, well, gee, anywhere then at school he loses all control. What therapies and such do you know about that have helped other Autistic kiddos? I feel like I have him in everything available in the 801, but maybe he needs more focus in each session or more freequent sessions? Ugh, did I sign up for this? Really?


Jennie said...

I know medication is a big step, but there is new data on peds and Abilify and autism. We've started it and it has changed our lives. The aggression has decreased, we have peace once again in our home. We wish you the best. Yes, this journey will be one of the hardest in our lives. The sun will come out!

Melissa said...

Oh Jess! I wish you had told me you were struggling this bad before now. I understand where you are because I am there as well. But I agree with Jennie...meds are definantly something you should consider. Trevor is on 3... he takes Straterra for his ADD symptoms, but he also takes Fluaxatine(Prozac) for his obsessiveness and rigidness with routine. He also takes Abilify for aggression. I was never a med person... when Trevor was Jonah's age I told myself I would NEVER medicate my child. But here I am with a child on 3 meds. I know that Jonah might not be able to take all of those meds, but I wish I had been willing to try meds at an earlier age. I think you should ask around at school and see who you can find to help you that way. It would be worth it, trust me.