Saturday, May 8, 2010

One of those days.

Recently, I read a post by Suzanne aka: "Special Needs Mom" (She doesn't post on our site, but she is linked in to our side bar.) She is such a talented writer and puts so beautifully into words all the tender everyday experiences we all share. Her "Bad Mother" post from Feb 16 has really stuck with me. She writes of going to the park with her two girls and having a wonderful day when a 'golden haired girl' interrupts by staring and asking blunt questions about her daughters' disabilities. It was one of those days where she just wasn't in the mood to deal with that kind of thing and after answering numerous questions from the badgering little girl - she told her to 'go away."
Like all of us, I normally try to be polite and positive about MK's situation. There are days when I don't even give it a second thought. But there are also those days where I feel like Suzanne. I just don't want to deal with the staring, the looks, the awkward silences, the bold well intentioned questions. You know....and for those days, I loved Suzanne's post. I smiled and giggled when she divulged like it were a dirty little secret that she'd told that beautiful and whole little golden haired girl to "Go play.....somewhere else."

I guess I'm in a bad mood today. Because today is one of those days where the whole world felt like it was full of golden haired little girls. At A's soccer game this morning, a little boy came and stood in front of MK sitting on the blanket. She was wiggling, and kind of rolling on the ground. Her stiff and jerky movements looking odd and uncomfortable. She was happy. She was playing, and this little boy wandered away from his parents and just stood there staring. I just forced a smile at him and said nothing.
On the way home we stopped at the store. I parked in a disabled spot and got out to grab a shopping cart. It's the only way I can get MK and our new baby in the store at the same time. A man walking out of the store watched with his brow crinkled low on his forehead and his eyes all squinty. I didn't even acknowledge him. It was Walmart, and the day before Mother's day it was packed. I caught a lot of glances from other people. One woman saw me catch her stare and quickly smiled a smile that was kind, but also seemed to hold pity. I kept thinking of the golden haired girl.

I realize that my mood has 100% to do with whether these are good situations for me or not. I admit that I'm sure today only seemed that way because of my mood. People look at people. I look at people all the time. It's not because they have special needs. It's just because they are people. I can't help but wonder though, what the reality of the situation is. How many people really are looking at us because of the disability? How many of those people are thinking kind thoughts versus those who are being judgemental or feeling pitiful or repelled? On one hand I think - people are probably a lot more innocent than I give them credit for. On the other hand, I'm not so sure. Either way. Today - I want to tell them all to "go play.....somewhere else."


Jessica said...

huh. Funny that you should post this cause this is one of y fears of sunny weather...other kiddos come out to play...with their questions, looks, giggles and sometimes even worse...their parents! I just did a post talking about this same exact thing. Check it out, I think I pinpointed this topic perfectly in an interview I took part in. Hang in there!I think it is just one of those days, after all I read your posts and think you are amazing!

Melissa said...

I totally agree!!!! Now that we are out and about again we have had more questions raised about our little one. It is OK sometimes to deal with the questions and stares.... but sometimes you do just want to tell them to go away. LOL!

Katherine said...

100%, yes, I am there. Shorts season for us is difficult. I think JT's "transformer legs" are adorable but every child we sees asks what is wrong with him. I was just at the park and some kids his age were being rude because he grunts and squeals instead of talking. *sigh* I hope by the end of the summer we all can feel more able to deal with the questions (spoken and unspoken) and feel better for our own sakes, not for theirs.

Luke and Erin said...

This was a post I think I needed. We just moved (thus my absence) so I am feeling more alone than I have before. And the questions, stares and ignorant comments seem to have tripled- of course they haven't, but I think I may unleash on the next "pity" look I get. As if they are thinking "oh how hard, what a burden" Bree is not a burden, she is a miracle and a blessing. The 'pity' looks are the ones that I just want to slap someone over.
Usually I am pretty good about questions not bothering me. But that look.... *sigh*