Issues With Older Brother

My poor ten year old broke down today at dinner and just cried and cried. He was sobbing so hard. I held his hands and told him it's Ok to cry. I told Marshall to give him a hug. Marshall grabbed Nate by the shirt and pulled him up so he could hug him.

Nathan was 3 when I decided to divorce his Dad. He still remembers a few things but not everything. Nate was being abused (not terribly bad but it was getting worse) and his Dad was sleeping around. The decision to divorce him was made after a lot of prayer and fasting. I know it was the right thing to do.

Nate has ADHD and severe anxiety. He takes Concerta and Zoloft but he is just not handling things lately. He's upset by everything Marshall does or says. I don't know what to do for him. I have to call the doctor tomorrow. He had a bad day at school and was tired. He comes home feeling very upset most days. Some kids are so mean!!! Nate is a sweet boy and such a good friend to everyone but some people are not nice. He needs to be in a place where people who love him can show it. Unfortunately, when I'm babysitting, I don't pay much attention to him because I've suddenly got 5 kids instead of two.

He was too upset to eat, which will get me in trouble with the doctor because he's supposed to be gaining weight. I feel like the mom in this song--

Which Part Is Mine?
words and music by Michael Mclean

She was only a dairy man's daughter,
she was only a child of thirteen;
but the stars on the radio brightened her nights with a dream.
So she called up her best girlfriend Jenny
'cause she thought they would make quite a pair,
She said, "Let's you and me, try to sing harmony
at the amateur night at the fair."

But she only had the range of an alto,
so the part she knew best went to her friend.
And when Jenny's soprano drowned out the piano
they'd have to start over again.
And the dairyman's daughter would then say,

"Which part is mine?
and Jen, which part is yours?
Could you tell me one more time;
I'm never quite sure.

And I won't cross the line
like I have before.
So please help me learn which part is mine,
and which part is yours."

She grew up and got married to Bobby
kept him working on his MBA
they had two little redheaded children,
and one on the way.

Everybody said she could work wonders,
and she wondered what everyone meant.
She played so many roles, it was taking its toll
and she feared that her time was misspent.

So she opened her heart to her husband.
They discussed everything on her list.
from the kids, to the job,
to her feelings for her Bob.
But what it really boiled down to was this: She said:

"Which part is mine?
and Bob, which part is yours?
Let's review it one more time;
I guess I"m not sure.

And I won't cross the line
like I have before
if we just define which part is mine,
and which part is yours."

Every sleepless night knows many mothers
who are wond'ring if they've done alright.
And the dairyman's daughter knew
more than a few of those nights.

Had she given her son too much freedom?
Had she smothered her two teenage girls?
Did she spoil them too much or not trust them enough
to prepare them for life in this world?

So she opened her heart to the heavens
and she spoke of her children by name.
And the prayer that she prayed
that her kids would be saved had a very familiar refrain.

Which part is mine?
And God, which part is yours?
Could you tell me one more time,
I'm never quite sure.

And I won't cross the line
like I have before.
But it gets so confusing some times.
Should I do more, or trust the divine?
Please, just help me define which part's mine,
and which part is yours.

Did you hear me?
I can feel you near me.
It is the answer
that I've been longing for;

just to know you hear me,
and to feel you near me.
It's all the answer
that I've been longing for.

Did you hear me?
I can feel you near me.
It is the answer
that I've been longing for;

just to know you hear me,
after I've done my best,
and to feel you near me.
I know you'll do the rest.
It is the answer that I've been longing for!

Sorry I've Been MIA

These past few weeks have been super busy with me getting sick (still am) and Marshall not sleeping (yeah, we're so tired). There is so much to tell but I don't think I can get it all written down while Marshall is on the potty. He's a darling little demanding one.

I decided to have our Pediatrician be in charge of medicating the boys. I've felt very uneasy with the choice of medications the ADHD doc prescribed and felt like we were getting nowhere. I felt like the ADHD doc didn't really know what he was doing with Marshall. He kept prescribing things that weren't working for Nathan either. So, I had a sit-down-and-chat appointment with the Ped last week. We talked for about 2 hrs. I let his nurse keep our file of medical tests and evals so she could scan it. It probably took them a few hours to get it all scanned in. He asked me to write up Marshall's history from birth to now, including meds we've tried and how they worked for him (or didn't work as the case may be.) I will post that in my next post so you can all read it if you want. It's long so it's up to you if you want to read it.

So the Pediatrician said that for Marshall, there is definitely some sort of problem there. He explained how with things like Autistic Spectrum, Bi-Polar, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) and other things like that have these gray areas. It would be like if you had a bunch of circles with the center parts connecting. (Am I making sense?) In the middle, where all these disorders connect, there are certain behaviors that can be due to bi-polar or autism. After looking at the list of behaviors Marshall has and how meds have affected him, the doctor said for now we can rule out Bi-Polar and ODD. The doc also said the other problem with finding a diagnosis for him is that we are probably dealing with 2 things. In fact, he's nearly 100 % sure this isn't just ADHD or JUST prematurity, or whatever. All roads keep leading us back to ADHD and Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD). So, for now that's the route we're taking. That's the roadmap we're going to try to follow in looking for ways to teach him and help him suceed in life. I love this doctor's outlook on diagnosis. He made sure it was CLEAR that a diagnosis IS NOT what Marshall is, rather than it is a problem he HAS. Marshall may have ADHD and Autism but HE is not Autistic. He is Marshall who has an ASD. This doctor is good. So for now, the doctor wants to work on one area of concern at a time. Since so much of our behaviors depend on sleep, that is the first area of concern he will be working on. So, Marshall's dose of Risperdal has been increased as has Clonidine and we're adding Melatonin at night. We're SO desperate for sleep. We're so exhausted. I think he's been sleeping worse since his blue rope lights burned out and my husband put a regular night light in his room. It casts shadows on his wall (he is on the bottom bunk of the bunk bed). I'm out of money so I'm hoping someone on Freecycle has some they don't mind giving up. It's a long shot I know, but when you're exhausted, what do you do?

He also said he thinks Nathan was on too high a dose of Concerta. He said just as there are gray areas on Autism and things of that nature, ADHD and Anxiety also overlap. Nathan has A LOT of anxiety and has for a long time. So, for now, Dr. C is decreasing the Concerta, adding Zoloft (because the straight anxiety meds weren't working at all!!) and taking away the Trazadone he was taking at night. Dr. C doesn't like Trazadone because it doesn't allow the child to be themselves. Now that Nathan is starting Zoloft, I need to make sure he and I are talking all the time. I have to keep track of how the meds are working for him and also keep track of his weight.

I'm overwhelmed. I'm sick with croup too. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep track of both of these boys but somehow, I will. I have to track their weight, what Marshall eats (or refuses to eat), do feeding therapy with Marshall, work on fine motor skills and attention with Marshall, talk to Nathan about how he's feeling, among other things. I'm also the Cubmaster (a big job) and am so busy but I will hang in there somehow.